


choking on flowers

by funboys



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Sad Happy Ending, awkward pity kisses, i have lots of repressed sad gay feelings, im just sad okay, mentions of blood (lots), mentions of impending death (lots), yeonbin is one-sided for once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funboys/pseuds/funboys
Summary: faith is nothing but a facade for the inevitable storms that will rumble one’s way.it just so happens that soobin’s storm was falling in love.however, he would’ve been lucky if it was with someone who could potentially love him back.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Kudos: 11





	choking on flowers

silk sheets messily sprawl across soobin’s long legs, he stares up at the ceiling with a blank, dull expression. he’s been tossing and turning all night, his body overheating and his clothes sticking to his skin from sweat. _ how can it be possible to feel so cold yet so hot at the same time?  _ his voice echoes in his head before squeezing his eyes shut from the bitter pain beginning to hit him at an unprecedented pace. 

he groans, his senses reduce to almost nothing but thick god. vision obstructed and blurry like he’s trying to swim to the surface but the more he tries the father he sinks into the dark abyss. 

deep exhale follows an inhale. 

his lips smack together, a disgusting taste coating his tongue. at first, he couldn’t put a finger on what the sensation of flavor on his tongue was, not until it became stronger. like someone had shoved a handful of fresh dirt into his mouth. now he knows it’s the predictor for what is about to come, the pressure rising in the back of his throat. 

he wishes it to be normal. like the relief after having too much beer in your tummy and all you had to was release. however, this is much more painful and no ease after it’s done, permanent agonizing torment.

soobin shoots up from his bed, hunching over and holding his hand in front of his mouth. 

the coughing fit begins; resulting in three yellow petals splattered with droplets of blood in the palm of his hands. a loud gulp resonates, swallowing the nonexistent spit in his throat as he just stares. 

he just  _ hopes  _ that is all it is for now. 

faith is nothing but a facade for the inevitable storms that will rumble one’s way. 

it just so happens that soobin’s storm was falling in love. however, he would’ve been lucky if it was with someone who  _ could  _ potentially love him back. 

yet, nobody ever thought that one-sided love could literally be the death of anyone. 

hanahaki disease. it’s rare these days but not entirely unavoidable (if one is not too careful). 

“hanahaki disease; arises when one suffers from unrequited love. 

symptoms typically include headache, fever or feeling feverish/chills, cough, fatigue (tiredness), loss of breath, sore throat, bloody nose, coughing up blood, vomitting flower petals (of no specific kind), and eventual death. 

typically, the roots begin growing within the individual’s lungs, flowers bloom causing the victim to wheeze and cough up petals, and soon enough they suffocate from the overflowing abundance in their respiratory system.” 

soobin sets his phone down in frustration, his hands running over his face and palms digging into his eyes to prevent any tears from spilling. he has been  _ warned  _ many times by friends and family. even prior to the age that this can develop, his school yearly encouraged everyone from developing feelings for others. the world becoming a dystopia as fear as consumed how people view love. now  _ no one  _ is keen on falling in love, and love is now becoming a rarity. 

and now, soobin fucked himself over. over a boy who simply could  _ never  _ feel the same way as him. 

_ or that’s what he believes.  _

there are two outcomes that spring up in his mind from researching studies upon studies. 

option one is surgery, expensive but potentially worth it. however, that would mean he would no longer  _ love  _ that person ever again, no longer look at him the same way again, or at all for that matter. so much doubt about this option because before this love-inducing death, there were years of friendship. 

option two is acceptance, free yet extremely excruciating. he saw the videos enough to understand what his potential demise would ensue. 

so for now, he chooses the latter. using blind faith to help cope. 

it worked for the first few weeks anyway, but eventually, his coping mechanism got more and more difficult to manage. he could feel the roots beginning to settle, depleting him of all his energy. soon enough there wouldn’t be enough room in his lungs to function properly. 

he figures there are only a few more days until classes finish and then he’s allowed to rot for whatever limited time he has left. so he continues to attend his lectures. 

soobin groans, clutching onto his chest as his back is pressed against the bathroom wall. his form hunches over the sink, water running into his hands before fully splashing it on his face. he was hoping it would wake him up just a little, or possibly liven up his appearance but he was far gone from that.

not even makeup could save him now. 

his reflection stares back at him of someone he barely recognizes; a sickly ghost in a shell remains with bloody chapped lips, dark circles, pale skin, and glassy eyes. all he can do is pull his hood over his head and hope nobody notices. of course, nobody does, 

_ except  _ for the one boy who does, is the one boy he wants to avoid the most. 

“have you been ghosting me?” yeonjun asks, halting beside soobin who’s sitting down with his head lowered to look at the phone in his lap. only yeonjun is able to see the lower half of his face, but it’s enough for him to immediately recognize his best friend that he hasn’t heard from in two weeks. 

soobin’s heart is lurching out of his chest, anxiety dropping in the pit of his stomach. his eyes waver as he zones out at the screen in front of him. he sucks in his bottom lip to nervously chew on it and the only thing he can think to do is pull his hood up further and sink deeper into the chair. if he wasn’t in public he would probably tell yeonjun to fuck off, but even then he wouldn’t be able to pull himself out of the chair to leave without his legs falling apart at any moment.  _ or his heart.  _

yeonjun is met with overwhelming silence from his friend, however, that isn’t going to stop this stubborn-headed virgo. he musters up the angriest expression he can, despite not being  _ that  _ angry with him, only disappointed, before pulling out a chair across the table. 

the loud metallic sound of the chair screeches and echoes, catching a few eyes from other students. but yeonjun blatantly ignores the looks because  _ he’s just worried.  _ he needs to know that his closest friend is okay and that there  _ is  _ a reason for being discarded without an explanation. 

soobin glances at his phone, the red bubbles showing the plethora of texts and calls he had from yeonjun. but having been too caught up with his sickness, physically and emotionally, he’s chosen to ignore them. 

“tell me what’s going on with you?” yeonjun lowers his voice as he leans forwards, his arms crossed against his chest. but soobin’s attention is diverted elsewhere, causing yeonjun to shake his head. “i’ve been worrying about you and … from the looks of it, you don’t look too good.” silence once again, however, this time soobin looks up. 

his heart immediately freezes at the sight of yeonjun, that fake angry look on his face. his cute pouty lips, pink cheeks, and those addicting swirling dark brown eyes. he is just as captivating when soobin first realized his deeper feelings for his friend, even when he’s wearing a plain grey sweatshirt, jeans, and a black cap; yeonjun could easily garner the attention from everyone. 

so maybe, just  _ maybe,  _ he’s to die for. 

“you can tell me  _ any  _ thing, you know that right?” yeonjun’s voice is soft, sincere, and sympathetic, so much that soobin’s considering opening his mouth to say something. but as soon as his lips part he feels the urge, so he slaps his hand over his own mouth. 

yeonjun almost jumps out of his seat, eyes widening at the blood trickling down soobin’s nose.

the younger stumbles to his feet, grabbing his things in his hands to run towards the closest bathroom. only a few more steps and he can make it, yet he tumbles over his own wobbly legs. blood spraying across the white tiles when he lands on his stomach and people turn their heads instantly carrying horrified looks. 

the entire room is utterly quiet, nobody rushing over as they’re all still full of complete shock, except for yeonjun. he grabs his arm to assist soobin to his feet but it’s already too late. soobin is coughing aggressively, and petals, a handful or more, follow in an explosion into the air before flowing gently to the ground like confetti. 

the sight makes everyone gasp, 

so dangerously beautiful this disease is. 

yeonjun’s mouth opens ajar and his mind buffers as he tries to think of a single word to comfort his friend. his mind twirls in repeating confused, jumbled thoughts - there is no easy way to process this quickly and talk to someone about their impending demise. somehow yeonjun screws his brain on tight, picking up the petals from the floor before ushering soobin out of the judgmental view. 

he sets him down on the nearest bench outdoors, speaking in a hushed tone, “why didn’t you tell me?” yeonjun grabs the rest of the petals from soobin’s shaky hands and throws them in the trash. “you know i could help you-” 

soobin scoffs, putting his face in his hands and shaking his head, “you couldn’t possibly help me, yeonjun.” 

“what are you talking about? i could get you into surgery my dad has con-” 

“i don’t want it!” soobin wipes his mouth with his sleeve, sniffling a bit as yeonjun gestures to the nose bleed that’s still running. he furrows his eyebrows but yeonjun grabs his own sleeve to wipe it away for him. 

soobin can feel his mouth dry up once more, signaling that another coughing fit is due pretty soon. 

he doesn’t want yeonjun touching him. he doesn’t want to be around yeonjun. 

“who is it?” 

“i’m not going to tell you.” 

“i can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” 

“didn’t you just hear me, i don't want your help. just leave me alone.” soobin finally snaps, a bit overdue but releasing all the pent up stress over this situation onto the one person who cares about him most makes him feel the worst. he sighs heavily, walking away with his fists balled up by his sides. 

tears start flowing, lips begin quivering with such force and the choked sobs are desperate to escape.

he bites down on his hand, storming off campus and back home where it’s much safer. 

soobin folds his legs against his chest, dozing off with the tv playing some godawful drama in the background. seeing yeonjun earlier today only sparked his symptoms into overdrive. as soon as he got home, a wave of relief washed over him, not enough to solve all of his problems, but for the time being. 

yet, he can’t get yeonjun off his mind.

_ would it be so bad to tell him? _

but he knows as soon as the confession comes out, yeonjun will feel guilty, pity and think of ways to fix it. yet soobin has already racked over the possible solutions a hundred times over and there was no good way out of this. 

  
  


a soft knock at his door wakes him up and he can’t imagine who that could be at this time. hopefully just one of his neighbor’s friends got the apartment numbers mixed up like usual. however, when he opens the door to see a perfectly good looking yeonjun standing in the frame, he wants to slam it back in his face. 

“can i come in?” yeonjun asks, hands in his pockets with an expression soobin can’t quite put a finger on. he steps aside anyways, letting yeonjun walk past him to sit on the couch. “want something to drink?” soobin awkwardly asks, trying to avoid the topic he knows yeonjun is going to bring up. 

it fails as yeonjun shakes his head and soobin is forced to join him on the couch. 

“it’s me, isn’t it…” yeonjun bluntly says, looking right at soobin. there are those soft dark brown eyes again staring deeply into his own. a million stars shining in those eyes and a million tiny bits of love too - soobin wishes he could grab a hold of them but they’re too far out of reach. 

confirmation is all yeonjun needs, and despite the lack of one tells him that he’s right, anyway. 

“i’m sorry…” he says, and that’s the last thing he wants to hear from yeonjun. 

soobin shakes his head, “why are you apologizing?” he lets out a small laugh, an agonizing one, yet still genuine. 

“why won’t you accept surgery?” a bubble is heard bursting. 

“because i know i would never be able to be around you again…” 

“but you should live…” yeonjun persists even though it pains him to know that it's true. 

“there is a lot of things we want yeonjun and this … this disease doesn’t give me any happy endings anyway. just because one might be a ‘better’ outcome than the other … it will result to me surrendering my true feelings. and i choose to love, i don't want nobody,  _ nothing  _ taking that choice away from me.” he clenches his jaw, “so please, let’s just stop talking about it.” he says with a weak voice as his attention drops to the palm of his hands. 

the close proximity is making it harder on soobin to breathe. he’s trying his best to suppress it but the ache is overwhelming. he swallows the lump in his throat but it doesn’t go away. 

in an instant, he’s having a coughing fit, a bigger one than the one earlier today. 

a large amount of blood splatters across the room and even more shocking when a whole yellow, blood covered chrysanthemum follows after. mouths agape and bulging moist eyes as the flower sits a mere inches from them. whole flowers were definitely an alarming warning. a week or less to live. meaning the roots have finally finished settling in and the growth of the flowers were blossoming well. 

soobin starts to feel light headed, luckily yeonjun catches him before he could fall to the ground. 

yeonjun rubs his back as he leans into him, head resting on his chest. eventually, his coughs come to an end but the tears were still streaming down his cheeks, along with a string of blood oozing out of his mouth. “i-i just want it to stop.” he sobs, voice wavering. he’s completely broken. 

yeonjun lets him lean against him while he works the cogs in his mind to overdrive. thinking back to the past conversations he overheard and even the story of how his grandmother beat the disease. 

it clicks to him, remembering there was a theory that it’s possible to convince the victim that there was mutual love that could cure them. it may be cruel but if it works, he wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. 

soobin has his forehead resting in his hand, letting blood drip into a small puddle on the floor. his disheveled mess was least of yeonjun’s concern. 

he sucks in his lower lip, “soobin … i-i need to tell you something,” he chokes a bit but he catches soobin’s attention, eyes heavy and droopy. he’s starting to feel weaker and over exhausted. “i love you.” he whispers and soobin’s eyes narrow. 

“i love you,” he repeats louder and clearer, causing soobin to shut his eyes tightly as his brain tries to comprehend the words with the overwhelming pain controlling him. uncertainty sweeps over him, the apparent lie echoing throughout his head.  _ he has to be lying, there is no way.  _

but yeonjun presses his lips against his anyways. 

it’s not the most sanitary kiss as there is blood almost everywhere, but it’s the most convincing. it progressively gets more sticky and gross and soobin wishes it was more romantic and cleaner than this. however, it’s going to be the most memorable.

no matter how much yeonjun denies there is anything but romantic attraction to soobin, he can’t help but continue the kiss for longer. his hand caressing soobin’s cheek softly while more tears escape and more blood smears. 

when yeonjun breaks away, there’s crimson painted across his flawless skin which makes soobin shutter. even as revolting as it looks, yeonjun is still pretty. 

“i’m sorry.” yeonjun breathes harshly, resting his forehead against soobin’s. “im  _ so  _ sorry.” 


End file.
